Once there were two maggots
Called One and Another
Because that was exactly what they were.
One maggot and Another maggot.
One and Another lived in an Easter Egg house
On the side of a steep hill.
It was a funny little house with a nice garden.
Well, it should have been a nice garden, but
It was littered with broken piggy banks.
That is something you will find out later on.
Across the road from One and Another
Lived Mr. and Mrs. Grumpy
In a very ordinary house.
Mrs. Grumpy liked One and Another, and would talk to them.
Mr. Grumpy did not like them
Because their garden was full of broken piggy banks.
That is something you will find out, but not yet.
When Mr. Grumpy was really upset with the maggots,
Which was very often
He would shout, “Send them to Australia!”
“Why?” asked One.
“Because it is the bottom of the World and people could fall off.”
“Why don’t they?” asked One.
“They put two-pot Araldite on their boots!” Mr. Grumpy shouted.
“I don’t think they do,” whispered Mrs. Grumpy.
“Shouldn’t you tell Mr. Grumpy?” asked Another.
“Oh no,” Mrs Grumpy whispered,
“He does like to think he’s right, and I don’t want to upset him.”
“Then if they don’t use Araldite, what do they use?” asked One.“I’m not sure,” Mrs. Grumpy admitted. “I think it’s something called Gravy.”
“Oh!” said One.
“Yuk!” said Another because he hated gravy unless it was made
With fried onions and lots of brown sugar.
Every morning One and Another
Played their favourite game.
They would climb on top of the kitchen table
And jump off, shouting “Earwiggo!”
Which was why they called it the Insect Game.
It was a very noisy game
Which gave Mr. Grumpy a headache
And made him close all windows and shout,
“Send them to Australia.”
One and Another did not care,
And they never got hurt
Because they landed on a big, soft cushion
Before climbing up to jump
Again, again, and again.
Playing the Insect Game
Made them very, very hungry.
When that happened
They would go to the Snackeroo shop
At the bottom of the hill,
And buy crisps and jammy dodgers
With their pocket money,
If they had any.
If they hadn’t any money in their pockets
Another would pick up a big hammer
And smash open a piggy bank.
One would pick up the pennies
And throw the broken piggy bank out of the window
Into the garden.
Then off they would go
Down the hill
Across the hump backed bridge
And into the Snackeroo shop.
Now I’ve told you how their garden
Became full of broken piggy banks
And always looked a mess,
As I promised.